Tuesday, 1 October 2019

New Set, New "Season" - WWE Raw (on USA) (9/30/19)



WWE Raw
Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phoenix, AZ
Live on USA Network - September 30, 2019
Rating: 0.89 (18-49), 2.569M viewers

[Hour 1]
They changed up the signature fanfare. It's... okay? The new intro also intercuts with live footage from Skillet, performing "Legendary," and I'd be more into this if it were a better song. But never mind that, CUE THE PYRO AND BALLYHOO! I guess that first $200 million check from NBC cleared. We get introduced to our new announce team, Dio Maddin and Vic Joseph (with Jerry Lawler because of a compromise), and we go right into promoting a few matches: Heavy Machinery vs. Roode and Ziggler for the Raw tag titles, Cedric Alexander vs. AJ Styles for the US title, Miz TV with Ric Flair and... Hulk Hogan... joy... and we also have Rey Mysterio in the ring for some promo time. Hi Dominick, can't wait for your inevitable debut and heel turn.

 Rey starts his promo, talking about his match tonight, when a wild BORK LAZER appears! And I have to admit, with the lighting and camera angle, the set looks really good, it takes advantage of wide shots really well. Anyway, before Heyman can do his schtick, Rey snatches the mic out, only for Lesnar to hit an immediate F-5 on Rey. A second one happens, for good measure, while Dominick stands by in the crowd, just watching everything, when his and Brock's eyes meet - and in Pokémon rules, that means a battle must take place! Brock heads to the younger Mysterio, who slowly sits back down via intimidation before Lesnar pulls him over the barricade to the floor. Cue the "Zack Gowen special," only without the fake leg, followed up with a third F-5 to Rey. Heyman is beside himself as Brock walks up the ramp, but just as quick, Brock heads back to the ring for a suplex to Rey, and one to Dominick as well, with Heyman pleading for Brock to stop.

 More refs come out to stop the mayhem, along with agents Pat Buck and a wild Finlay, with Brock finally stepping aside with his work done - for now - but we know his work is NEVER done. Pat Buck gets laid out, Finlay gets kicked out, and both Mysterios get thrown to the floor, to a sea of (momentary) "ASS-HOLE" chants. See you on Friday, Brock. GREAT first segment. And depending on who you believe, this may be the first seed planted for a debut by potential WWE prospect Cain Velasquez... but we'll have to wait and see on that.

 Back from break, we see that Dominick did a stretcher job during commercial, and that "authorities were called," whatever that means in kayfabe. Getting ready for the next match, a wild Becky Lynch appears, and there's definitely a strong pyro budget in place, given the fireworks show Alexa got, and the return of Becky's steam. Anyway, Becky is joining the booth for commentary for this match, should be... something?

 Sasha Banks vs. Alexa Bliss - So how much of this is full work and pseudo-shoot, given the discourse that happened this past week? I'll leave that up to you. Going to break, Sasha and Becky have a staredown, with Becky on the table and Sasha on the ropes, leading into the first break - a split-screen 30-second break for Gears 5. Thankfully, it's the Batista spot and not the other one. This match is definitely the female equivalent of a MEAN GUY MATCH, with hard hits and fierce 'tudes between both competitors.

 Then... there's a WEIRD botch. We hear a siren, nobody else can hear it, but Vic Joseph alerts us that it's for Dominick as he's being sent out in an ambulance... but we don't see it. REALLY strange botch. And to further the story further, King tells us that Lesnar is being questioned by local authorities for what he did. Hard knee strikes and slaps in this match, with the crowd being kinda quiet for most of it, when all of a sudden Sasha lands a sudden kick to Alexa and gets the quick 3 for the win. Cue the next staredown, with Becky heading to the ring for a slugfest, all for Sasha to head into the crowd for the escape, with Becky talking her down on the mic for the final PPV sell for their match.

 I do enjoy the people at TNT and AEW purchasing ads across many cable systems to air during Raw. Been happening for 3 weeks, and I always enjoy it each time.

 Charly Caruso is backstage, to lead to a recap package for what happened last week with Bray Wyatt and Seth Rollins, and let me tell you, nothing says "top guy" like going "AAAAGGGHHHHH" like you're both constipated and dealing with a scrape on your knee. Made for fine meme material, at least. Then we go to an interview with Seth, who learned the hard way that you NEVER deal with super-stans on Twitter. Hope he enjoyed that momentary break. Evidently, Rey isn't in fighting shape, but Seth is promising a title match tonight with anyone willing to step up.

 Robert Roode & Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. Heavy Machinery, Raw Tag Team Championship - I should be more annoyed that a SmackDown team is fighting for a Raw title, but then I remember that The Revival won the SmackDown belts and they're a Raw team, so why bother poking more holes in the logic. Tucker gets the showcase first, with fine athleticism , including a standing dropkick and a delayed suplex to Ziggler, handed off in-transition to Otis, only for a 2 count. Double delayed suplexes to the champions lead to break, only for the tables to turn with the champions taking the advantage back. Sleeper holds and headlocks keep Tucker away from getting the hot tag, but he manages to power out, just not before Roode can tag in and hit a spinebuster, only for 2. A taunt backfires on Ziggler, who gets lawndarted into the ring post, leading to the hot tag for Otis, getting in his "zone" against Roode, and with both men down after a set of power slams, we get THE CATERPILLAR! Roode gets caught by Otis, Ziggler comes in and hits both Tucker and Otis, going to the finish with Otis tossed out and Roode hitting the Glorious DDT on Tucker to get the win and retain the titles. A strong match, Roode gets another win and both Otis and Tucker get a strong showcase.

 "This may be the biggest week in the history of wrestling, ever!" Well, King isn't necessarily wrong.

 [Hour 2]
Next up, we get... Miz TV with Hogan and Flair. Skipping to bullet points for this because UGHHHH I don't care, this is all non-canon anyway. At least Miz got his pyro spark shower back. For some reason, on the LED board, it said "17 Time Champion" for Flair's entrance - another botch, or is someone not telling us something? So... what's the point of this whole segment? It's about as dumb and underwhelming as you'd think. Short version is, Hogan's playing the babyface and Flair is playing the heel, and it's all to lead to... a 5-on-5 tag match, "Team Hogan vs. Team Flair," at... Crown Jewel. Halloween night, in Riyadh. Because what the Saudi Prince wants, he gets, and he apparently wants Seth Rollins to captain Hogan's team. Oh, and Seth has pyro as well. As for who MBS wants to captain Flair's team? Randy Orton. None of this matters, nothing is on the line, it's practically a filler arc that's being paid for by the Saudi government to the tune of eight figures.

 A few more notes about this whole thing: way to deem Survivor Series a total afterthought, SCREW those "one more match!" chants and all the marks chanting that, and WOW you know a match isn't super exciting when IMPACT is doing a troll job over it.
Oh, and we're going to have Rollins vs. Orton happening right now, because why not. And as the crew clears the ring, out comes Big Breakfast Baron to get involved and go after Rollins because... frigging reasons. Then out comes Rusev to even the odds, to a big pop, and do I smell a tag team match, playa? Apparently not. And the crowd was chanting "USA!" presumably to cheer Rusev becoming an American citizen last week. Maybe.

 We go back to earlier tonight, with the footage that wasn't shown of Dominick being wheeled into the ambulance, and with Rey going with him, he's out of the title match for tonight - gee, another bait-and-switch, how totally expected from WWE.

 Oh, I'm sorry, it's "PLANS CHANGE." Whatever.

 Backstage, Rusev is asked where Lana is, and the answer? There... is no answer. Problems at home, maybe? Guess we'll put a pin in that storyline thread for later, but more importantly, Rusev is challenging Rollins for the title - I'm in for that match. And it's now dawned on me that all three major WWE titles are being defended on free TV this week - the Universal title here, the NXT title on Wednesday, and the WWE Championship on Friday.

 Another vignette for the Authors Of Pain, and... yeah, just a lot of words.

 The War Viking Raider Experience Machine vs. Gallows & Anderson - The crowd is dead quiet for this match, and so am I. No heat, a match we've already seen before, it's just... there. It's fine. Perfectly adequate. A good way to pad out the 3-hour run time of this show. Match ended with a big splash off the top rope to get the bigger men the win.

 Backstage, we are informed that Lesnar and Heyman are still in the building, and they want some time to talk, when in comes Cesaro to say "hey, Brock took away my spot to beat up Dominick," only for Ricochet to step up like the true babyface he is, and this leads to a challenge in the ring.

 USA is going commercial-free for the season premiere of Mr. Robot on Sunday. I like when networks do that.

 Ricochet vs. Cesaro - Now THIS is a match that I can get into. Super fast action out of the gate, with tons of that "flippy shit" that all the old people get uppity about. And the finish? A thing of beauty - Ricochet hits a springboard off the top rope, only to get caught, and to turn that into a WEST COAST POP for the 3!

 Ronda Rousey is part of the new season of Total Divas. This show has an audience but it sure as shit isn't me.

 Firefly Fun House time! Everyone's feeling a little strange and afraid, while Ramblin' Rabbit has come down with a case of death. Bray's here to talk about how horrifying Hell in a Cell is, and how he's got a bad feeling that "he" cannot wait to hurt Seth. Bray then decides to go find "him" and tell him to be nice to Seth, only it's a case of "nah I'm just kidding!" with a big laugh from everyone. "LET ME IN."

 [Hour 3]
Cedric Alexander vs. AJ Styles (c), WWE United States Championship - For the second time tonight, the champion comes out FIRST and that annoys me to no end. Oh hey, Drake Wuertz is reffing this match, he got called up. A HARD smack to Cedric starts the match, with Cedric leading into a flurry of offense for his burst of momentum. AJ catches Cedric on a cutter on the rope, leading to a Phenomenal Forearm onto Cedric on the floor before heading to break. Back from break, Cedric lands a springboard Flatliner onto AJ, and later in the sequence, Cedric gets a VERY close near-fall after a hard kick to AJ. Cedric powers out of a Styles Clash attempt, and escapes the forearm, and catches AJ in a Michinoku Driver for another near fall. The crowd is very much alive for this match, as Cedric gets caught in a suplex and facebuster for another nearfall. Cedric counters out of the Styles Clash, but can't escape it a second time, and eats the pin in an excellent match. The chase must continue.

 Backstage... more of the Peanut Gallery Street Prophets, but this time they're here to talk about their tag title match on NXT this Wednesday... before going back to their usual backstage schtick. Nobody in the crowd cared.

 ..........Lacey Evans vs. Natalya, AGAIN - There are good memes, and there are bad memes. Why has God abandoned us? I care not for this match, nor for this whole Scarlett O'Hara persona, just let this end. The match ended with Lacey clawing Natalya's eyes with the ref's back turned, and getting a rollup with the tights for the pin. Great, now go away. PLEASE.

 We get highlights of the attack on Rey Mysterio and Dominick, his 22-year-old "teenage" son, which lead us to backstage with Heyman talking on behalf of Brock, saying that he's sorry for what happened to Rey and his son, and that Brock is in "fight mode" in preparation for his title match on Friday night. I can't describe it myself, watch and enjoy.

Charly Caruso is backstage, talking with Maria Kanellis, who tells us that "uh DUH of course Rusev isn't the father," when a wild Sasha Banks appears! She takes the mic and talks to Becky directly, getting one more sell in for their match on Sunday night - short and sweet and full of venom. Then we get a shot of a limo arriving, at... [checks notes] 10:40pm Eastern time. Who could it be, arriving so incredibly late to the show?

 Because FOX wants more than 3 million viewers on Friday, The Rock is booked to show up on the show. Nothing to lose, really.

 Rusev vs. Seth Rollins (c), Universal Championship - Main event time, and for some reason, Orton and Corbin are on the stage to watch the match. Which, upon further investigation, is because Corbin's throne broke, because WWE's prop budget continues to be all of 5 bucks and they used all of their money on pyro.
It looks as though Rusev is adhering the Code of Honor, but it was a ruse, a takedown that Rollins would ease out of to give the match a swift start out of the gate. Then we go to break with a strange transition, one that's even... fiendish. Chops are followed up with a Sling Blade by Rollins, with Rusev tumbling over the top rope that leads to Rollins hitting a pair of dives, but can't hit a cross body with Rusev reversing it. Rollins gets planted hard, only for a 2 count. Rusev tries to get a kick in, but Rollins hits one of his own, and manages to lift Rusev up for a Falcon Arrow, all just for a nearfall. Rollins goes for a springboard, but gets caught with a hard kick to the chin, and-WAIT A MINUTE, a wild Bobby Lashley... appears? And he's here with someone, he's here with... LANA?

 Okay, wait, TIME THE HELL OUT. We're doing ANOTHER cuckold storyline on this show? For... WHAT reason? I need some insight as to the hows and whys of this whole thing. And why is Rusev just standing there in the middle of the ring, watching everything unfold? Why is he just standing in the ring, like a total geek, watching Lashley and his wife macking?

 Meanwhile, THE FIEND APPEARS! And he's got Seth! And... yeah, see you on Sunday. No contest for your title match main event. Weird/bad end to the show.

 So here's Jay Hunter shouting out Dio for his excellent OSW Review reference game, as a better end for this show.

 Verdict: While the show started out strong, it fell to diminishing returns by the end of the show, with an ending that has me going "WHY WHAT WHY" for another angle that I just don't want to deal with. The show had a boost in viewership, up by nearly 360,000, though the week's Monday Night Football game being the 0-3 Bengals against the 0-3 Steelers (just over 10 million viewers) may have helped for that bump.

 Vic Joseph and Dio Maddin definitely need some more time to get adjusted to their new roles, hence why King is here (for now) to guide the ship a bit. The facelift is a good step forward, but it's what happens in the next few weeks that will set the stage proper for Raw, once we get past the PPV and the upcoming Draft.

 Oh, and there's still only THREE matches booked for the pay-per-view happening on SUNDAY.
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