WWE Hell in a Cell
Golden1 Center - Sacramento, CA
Live on WWE Network - October 6, 2019
The PPV stage setup is nice, but the cage is still red. Garbage.
Lacey Evans vs. Natalya (Preshow match) - Again. We're getting this match AGAIN. Yeah, it's just the first match on the card inside a barely-full crowd at 3:15 in the afternoon, but still, let me vent about how we're getting this match AGAIN. Stuff happens, heat is had, the crowd is silent, I'm just waiting for my dinner to be delivered, and we get a split-screen ad break to sell the show. Joy. Ending had Lacey trying a moonsault, landing flat on her knees, before tapping to the Sharpshooter. Got good in the final minute, but everything else? The definition of filler. And this went nearly 12 minutes. Good for Natalya, though. 2 stars.
As a recap package for SmackDown's premiere on Fox airs, my Doordash driver is still 20 minutes away. Also, they're going to do something with Tyson Fury at the next blood money show to promote his rematch with Deontay Wilder in February, and another plan is to have Cain Velasquez work the show in a match with Brock Lesnar - despite not having signed a contract - all for that sweet payday from WWE and the KSA government. My dinner order cannot come fast enough.
And after a bit more time, my dinner arrives, delicious Peruvian chicken.
That one match was the only match on the whole preshow hour. The rest was just hype packages and interview segments. The only worthwhile info we got is that the Bryan/Roman-Harper/Rowan tag match is now a tornado tag. Great info. I will also hold the right to talk about whatever else during the additional matches that got announced within two hours of showtime, because if they're not going to put in the effort, then I sure as crap won't either.
Pyro and ballyhoo ignite the main show as we start with the first of our double-header.
Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch (c), Raw Women's Championship Hell in a Cell Match - The match kicks off with Sasha pummeling Becky and taking her out of the cage as it's being lowered, all for that sinister heel heat. Becky recovers and gets back inside to gain her momentum back, and with both women in the ring and the cell door shut, the match is now officially underway! And right off the bat, Becky grabs the chain lock and uses it as a pair of brass knuckles onto Sasha's face and midsection. And to make sure they both stay inside, Becky locks the door shut, as we proceed with the fierce walk-and-brawl around the cell. And it's a good thing we have a cameraman inside the giant red box, which gives us a great view of Becky pulling out a table and ladder, until Sasha returns with a steel chair. Hmmm, telegraphing for December, maybe? Becky gets her receipt in with the chair, and back in the ring, Sasha tries to end it early with pin attempts, all to no avail. Sasha misses a chair shot and eats a Bexploder and a trio of baseball slide kicks, but as Sasha recoups, she hits a Meteora onto Becky ONTO THE LADDER. Ouch.
Next sequence kicks off with Sasha slamming the door back and forth onto Becky's arm, through the gap in the door, and puts more damage in by slamming a steel chair against her arm and hand. Now Becky needs to rely on her right arm, while Sasha will target the left. A fine use of psychology and targeting, well done. With Becky on the chair, Sasha hits another Meteora off the second rope, but only gets a 2. Time to bring in more chairs, with one against the cell for good measure. Becky hits a dropkick onto Sasha, who gets shoved off the apron and lands hard into the fencing. A few kicks and punches lead to Sasha getting thrown into the ring post, and then eats a Bexploder into the fencing, great visuals all around. Dueling punches and kicks in the ring, but Becky hits a drop toe hold and a Bulldog onto Sasha, onto the legs of a steel chair (again, OUCH), but only gets a 2.
Becky goes to the top rope, but takes a kick from Sasha, all just to set up a leaping dorp kick onto Sasha, with a chair right in her face for added impact. After a few moments of recoup, Sasha brings in a pair of kendo sticks, whacking Becky with them and shoving them through the fencing. It backfired, as Becky recoups and slams Sasha face first into those canes. Now it's her turn to place a chair up, right on the canes, with a THIRD kendo stick added. This gives Sasha enough time to throw a few punches, but Becky powers through and sits Sasha on the chair, for a leaping dropkick onto Sasha, with a HARD crash and burn to the floor. Excellent spot, the crowd popped BIG for it. Back in the ring, Becky hits a top rope legdrop onto Sasha, but STILL only gets a 2. The crowd now wants a table, so Becky obliges and sets the table up, but this gives Sasha enough time to get up and land a Backstabber on Becky. Placing her on the middle rope, Sasha comes up, but Becky powers through, but Sasha finds enough to hit a third Meteora onto Becky, and through the table! Alas, just a 2 count for this one. But at least Sasha made up for LAST time with a table in the cell...
Time for another kendo stick, using it as a submission on Becky, holding it against her throat, but she manages to slide away and take the cane as well, SLAMMING Sasha with it real hard. Sasha has enough in her to toss Becky away and throw her into the chair placed in the fencing. Cue more chairs coming into the ring, one after another, there are a LOT of chairs being tossed inside, probably 12 or 13 by this point, and as Sasha climbs the ropes, this gives Becky time to come up and hit a BEXSPLODER ONTO THE CHAIRS! Disarmer gets locked in, and Sasha taps, closing out an EXCELLENT match. My word, this was great. 4 stars.
Erick Rowan & Luke Harper vs. Daniel Bryan & Roman Reigns, Tornado Tag Team Match - THANK GOD we don't have to hear "The NEWWWWW" whenever Bryan comes out anymore. Metal shirts on display: Harper has Snapcase, Rowan has Parkway Drive. The story of this match is "the enemy of my enemy is my friend," with all eyes on Bryan for what he does and to who he does it to. Hot flurry of offense out of the gate, and later on, Rowan hits a leaping drop kick, all for Roman to land a Samoan Drop, just for 2. Spear gets denied by Harper, but only gets a nearfall of his own. Bryan continues to be taken out of the equation, shoved out of the ring for a double-team attack on Roman, both in the ring and out, using the steel steps to lay in more damage. Now it's Bryan's turn to get back involved, eating more of the double-team offense for a few moments before Rowan gets caught in the LeBell Lock, with Harper breaking the submission after just a few moments. The double-team offense continues, with Bryan eating a hard slam, but only gets a 2 for the pin attempt. By this point, Roman has been taken out and laid out, leaving Bryan to fend for himself, regaining momentum, but gets caught by Harper with a Michinoku Driver; Roman breaks the pin and comes back into the match for his comeback, albeit momentary.
Bryan lays out Harper with a set of kicks, escapes a counter attempt, and goes after Harper's knee to weaken him further. More kicks come into play, before everything and everyone spills back out of the ring. And yes, the announce tables start to get cleared off, but first, Bryan gets double-teamed with a slam into the ring apron, Roman eats a body slam from Harper, a part of the barricade gets thrown off and Rowan uses it to slam Roman into the crowd. Now comes the announce table spot, but Bryan counters with a hurricanrana to Harper to the floor, and Roman comes up with a spear to Rowan through the German announce table! Running dropkicks to Harper in the ring, then Bryan comes up to the top rope, but eats a HARD powerbomb from the most dangerous rope! Alas, just a 2 count. Cue the triple-decker finish: Superman Punch, running knee, and a spear, and the face team wins in another excellent match. Fan-damn-tastic. 3 3/4 stars.
Post-match, Roman and Bryan have a staredown in the ring, with Bryan looking around at his surroundings before extending a hand to Roman... only to pull it back. Arms are opened, Bryan wants the crowd pumped, but then Roman turns away. Bryan cues up the "YES!" chants, and the duo hug it out and share a handshake, signaling a job well done. Looks like babyface Bryan is the plan going forward.
Oh good, we get a promo for, as Solomonster so eloquently puts it, Sweet Saudi Money IV. Not interested. Okay, time for some filler.
Randy Orton vs. Mustafa Ali - This match was announced in a throwaway preshow interview segment, when I was getting my dinner. And because this is no effort booking, I'll be back after I get my laundry started.
[break]
And I come back to some announce table spots with Orton dominating control. It is also past 8pm and the newest Scott the Woz episode isn't up yet. That's always the high point of my Sundays. Anyways, the Cowboys lost tonight to the Packers, and that's always amusing to me, seeing DEM 'BOYS lose. How 'BOUT them Cowboys, right?
Anyway, Ali builds up momentum for his comeback, with a spinning heel kick laying Orton out, hits nothing on a 450 attempt, and lands a tornado DDT in a very fine sequence. Back to the top rope, nobody home on the 0-5-4, and this ultimately leads to the RK...oh? It got countered, really damn well, in one of the coolest counters I've ever seen-never mind, another one got hit and that was the match. What-frigging-ever. 2 and 3/4 stars.
Seriously, this counter was really cool.brb, we'll just be watching this over and over and over again#HIAC @AliWWE pic.twitter.com/ChxZOwGEpM— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) October 7, 2019
And we have Natalya and Lacey Evans booked for Raw... AGAIN... only this time it's Last Woman Standing.
Just fuck off with this whole feud.
Asuka & Kairi Sane vs. Nikki Cross & Alexa Bliss (c), WWE Women's Tag Team Championship - Another match booked at the zero hour, which means I need to check on other things. The champions also came out first, so way to tell me to not care. Also, there may not be a new Scott the Woz tonight, since some things happened with him this week. The guy works real hard, a week to recharge will always be worth it for all of us humble fans. So uh... yeah, this match is building to the Nikki hot tag, and there's also a spotlight that keeps shining on the barricade for some reason, right in view of the hard camera. The hot tag happens, Nikki is full of momentum on both Kairi and Asuka, but gets caught in an Alabama Slam by Kairi; In-Sane Elbow gets denied and countered, then in comes Asuka with her kicks. Nikki gets her momentum back, I am now reminded of the excellent match Nikki and Asuka had on NXT two years ago, but WAIT A MINUTE! Asuka has green mist! And after a fierce kick to the head, we have new champions... heel champions, at that. 2 and 3/4 stars.
California, Here We Come vs. The War Viking Raider Experience Machine & Mystery Partner - The mystery partner was not Cedric Alexander, but instead, it's BRAUUUUUUUUUN. Cool? Just to promote his segment with Tyson Fury tomorrow, whatever. But now I need to put my clothes in the dryer.
[break]
Turns out, my clothes aren't done yet. I'm now pondering why ESPN is sending me notifications on the title matches happening tonight.
Well anyway. Strowman gets the hot tag, runs over everyone, ends up running into the ring post with Styles working his knee, then in come the whole team to get their stuff in. The match then ends with Gallows and Anderson forcing a DQ by... kicking too much ass. The salt and venom on The Bryan & Vinny Show will be delicious. And now I can put my clothes in the dryer. DUD.
[break]
I have returned to 24/7 title shenanigans, with the new champion being Tamina. Okay. So what's next?
Baron Corbin vs. Chad Gable - ...I'm gonna do some housework, back in 5 minutes.
[break]
I came back and the match hasn't even started yet. And now the newest "decree" is for Chad Gable to be called "Shorty Gable." Joy. Like we need more of this terrible "comedy." Not interested in seeing ANOTHER rematch, either, so I'm just tuned out for now. The crowd is dead quiet, even they know this is filler. And it's the worst kind of filler... boring filler. I have nothing to say about this. The crowd only woke up with Gable hit a moonsault to wake them up, but no, not over yet. Only happened after the scepter got pulled from the ref and Gable rolled up Corbin for the win. And then Greg Hamilton announced him as "Shorty Gable" because of Corbin's pre-match promo. Ugh. 2 stars.
And speaking of rematches with no real build...
Charlotte Flair vs. Bayley (c), SmackDown Women's Championship - This match was announced after SmackDown went off the air. A rematch from the last PPV, booked on less than 48 hours' notice. No effort, so no effort from me. And here's how I know it's no-effort, the semi-main event gets the international commentator showcase segment. And we get more 24/7 title shenanigans included, with Tamina using Funaki as a meat shield against R-Truth. Only for Carmella to hit a kick and have Truth win the 24/7 title for the... 20th time? Whatever.
Anyway, NOW the match kicks off and... yeah, nothing from me. A title match shouldn't be filler. Do better. So yeah, stuff happens, punches and kicks, Bayley being kinda smarmy with her heel schtick, it's all perfectly fine but I just don't have any reason to care. So I'll chime back in when the finish happens.
[break]
Figure-8 on the injured knee, Charlotte wins. Whoop-de-frigging-do. 2 stars.
Backstage, Gable is interviewed, Corbin comes out and attacks him, lays him out in the hallway to get his heat back, I continue to not care about this feud. And thank you, ESPN, for the notification that Charlotte is a 10-time champion now.
And now, we come to make-or-break time. Do they pull the trigger and elevate their hot monster, or do shenanigans get in the way? Let's find out. But I'm not sure what kind of sign it is to have Seth come out first.
"The Fiend" Bray Wyatt vs. Seth Rollins (c), Universal Championship Hell in a Cell Match - Well, this whole match is going to be under dark red mood lighting. They're really going for the whole "horror movie" vibe, so I can't fault them for it. But yeah, it all looks like a Virtual Boy. There's also a new camera they're using for the vell matches, one that's mounted to the fencing and remote operated. Offers a nice wide angle kind of view. The match has Wyatt taking the offense early, tossing Rollins all over the cell and against the fencing and steel steps. But Seth comes back up and counters back with the steel steps, and even pulls out a table to set up for later. A topé gets caught by Wyatt, and turns it into Sister Abigail against the fencing; now he's back on the offensive.
And I won't lie, the lighting is REALLY hurting my eyes.
Table spot: Wyatt is punched and laid out on the table, when Rollins climbs up and hits a frog splash onto Wyatt... who promptly comes up because he's a MONSTER. Plan B: curbstomp. Still nothing. Sister Abigail hits hard, only for a 2. Cue the pummeling and a neck-snap, with Bray targeting his prey like a wild beast. And what does he have in store? A giant mallet. Yes, a giant mallet. Which he uses to pin Rollins to the fencing, only to be met with a set of superkicks and a stomp onto Wyatt, onto the mallet. Springboard knees to Wyatt, then a superkick, and another, and then a stomp, and another, and then another, with the crowd not too pleased. Pedigree hits, then ANOTHER stomp, and a kickout at ONE! Superkick, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, the crowd is turning like in the 2K games from spamming the same move over and over again.
Plan C: Seth then gets a chair and stands over Wyatt, who nails him with the chair, and only gets a ONE! No dice. Plan D: slam a ladder onto Wyatt's face, with a chair on his face. Kickout at 2. Absolutely indestructible. Plan E has Seth pulling out a toolbox and after placing the ladder and chair over Bray's face, he slams the toolbox onto the pile, over and over again. Cue the boos from the crowd, they want NONE of this.
So... Plan F? It involves a sledgehammer. I smell shenanigans afoot... the ref is pleading for him to not use the sledgehammer, because of "referee's discretion," I guess, Seth hesitates for a moment, but uses it anyway and the ref... calls for the bell...
The actual fuck? And cue the "BULLSHIT!" and "A-E-DUB" chants from the crowd. But The Fiend isn't dead yet, he's up and he has the claw on Seth, with one purpose: HURT. "RESTART THE MATCH!" chants ring loud. Sister Abigail to the floor, and again - on the exposed concrete, to another momentary sea of "A-E-DUB" chants. Cue the claw, once again, with the spooky music and lighting and a blood pill, all to a sea of... boos. Boos for Seth, boos for The Fiend, boos for everything and everyone.
Loud, unmistakable boos. Thank frigging God for AEW and NXT every Wednesday. 1 1/2 stars.
— RETRO: Old Media Enthusiast🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 (@ThatRetro) October 7, 2019
Final Thoughts: JESUS GOD FRIGGING DAMN WHAT WAS THAT ENDING.
Suffice it to say, the show peaked with the first cell match and the tornado tag match. Hell, if the whole show was just that first hour, it would have been the best PPV all year, two great matches and only ONE hour in length. Instead, we had a 3 hour and 17 minute show with three matches that had some strong build to it, and the rest of that card slapped together at the last minute because the whole show was an afterthought when compared to SmackDown premiering on FOX and with NXT doing battle with AEW on Wednesday.
Now, I joke, but some of the matches on the undercard were pretty solid. Ali and Orton put in a lot of work to make their match mean something, we had a title change for Asuka and Kairi Sane winning the tag titles and turning heel in the process, but I mean it when a lot of this show felt like a total afterthought that was put together with next to no time to build anything up.
Then there's the ending to the main event. The ending, I cannot stress it enough, pissed EVERYONE in the arena rightfully off, because it was - as the crowd was chanting - BULLSHIT. Two straight years for a Hell in a Cell match, with the title on the line, ending in a NO CONTEST. Only this felt worse. Seth looks like a chump because of how he was booked for this whole buildup, Bray got much less over because of how this match was booked in the end, and AEW got a looooooot of publicity from those chants. And here's the thing that makes this whole situation so frustrating for me, as a fan:
This should have been the EASIEST match to book. Put Bray over, pull the trigger and have him win, and just RUN WITH IT. You're getting your $200 million checks from NBCUniversal and Fox cleared, what's the harm in having Bray hold the title for a few weeks, especially when your big horror movie monster is OVER with the crowd? The crowd is into Bray, he gets cheers whenever he shows up, be it in the ring or with Firefly Fun House - it's the same deal with Braun Strowman, you get cold feet once and that's it, you're DONE.
And I hope that's not the case for Bray Wyatt, but this ending probably did a LOT of harm to his stock. That's a damn shame.
Verdict: All Elite Wrestling Dynamite - LIVE Wednesdays at 8pm on TNT. Go watch that instead, watch it with NXT on the DVR, or after NXT, or whenever.
Fuck. That. Ending. X-Pac said it best.
X-PAC’s reaction to the ending of #HIAC is all of us lmaoooo pic.twitter.com/dgCbQt5I9g— 🇪🇨 J.A.M.🇪🇨 (@MrAcosta89) October 7, 2019
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